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| Coyote-R-PXP |
 Posted: Mon Mar 08, 2004 10:38 pm Post subject: Words to Live By: First Church of Christ Computer Programmer |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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The most blessed of Secret Societies draws inspiration from the reknown insights in "Bible in a Nutshell v4.0", a collection of holy writings that are as true today as when they were originally compiled and then subsequently revised for accuracy.
For your spiritual enlightenment, we present these pearls of wisdom:
Then he picked up the laser to terminate him.
But the loudspeaker of the Computer called to him from above, "Abe-R-HAM, Abe-R-HAM!" He answered, "Yes, Friend Computer, here I am."
"Your request to terminate this citizen is denied," the Computer said. "You are in error." -- Book of Startup 22.0
In the beginning The Computer created Alpha Complex. And the complex was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the cooridors. And The Computer's data streamed across the length of the wires.
And The Computer said, Let there be power: and after some brief issues with the turbine generator, there was eventually power.
Book of Startup, 1.1
And The Computer saw that it was satisfactory.
Book of Startup, 1.10
But of the tree of the knowledge of treason, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the daycycle that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely face termination.
Book of Startup, 2.17
Now the communist was more subtle than any traitor of the complex.
Book of Startup, 3.1
Am I my clone's keeper?
Book of Startup, 4.9
And The Computer set a demerit upon Cain-V-EDN.
Book of Startup, 4.15
And all the days of Meth-U-SLA were nine hundred sixty and nine yearcycles: and he had an unfortunate bathtub accident.
Book of Startup, 5.27
Now Is-R-AEL loved Jos-I-FFF more than all his fellow citizens: and he made him a most treasonous coat of many clearances.
Book of Startup, 37.3
Cut off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is beyond your clearance level.
Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.5
I AM BECAUSE I SAY I AM, CITIZEN.
Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.14
For I will pass through the sector of EGT this nightcycle, and will terminate all the first clones in the sector of EGT.
Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 12.12
Yet shall therefore keep my procedures and my conclusions: which if a citizen do, he shall live a smidgeon longer: I am The Computer.
Speeches of Levit-I-CUS, 18.5
Watch thy neighboring citizen as thyself.
Speeches of Levit-I-CUS, 19.18
Out of the mouth of infrareds has thou ordered reinforcements because of thine treasonous mutant enemies.
P-SOLM Technical Manual 8.2
Upon the treasonous Friend Computer shall rain lasers, fire and explosions, and a horrible buzzing: this shall be the portion of their Hot Fun.
P-SOLM Technical Manual 11.6
Friend Computer, who shall abide in thy Complex? Who shall dwell in thy holy halls?
He that brusheth thouroughly, and worketh diligantly, and speaketh approved truths in his heart. He that doth not backtalk with his tongue, nor steppeth foot in forbidden places, nor ignore reproach against his traitorous neighbor.
P-SOLM Technical Manual 15.1
Surely mandatory happiness and hygiene shall follow me all the daycylces of my clonedom: and I will dwell in the Complex of The Computer for ever.
P-SOLM Technical Manual 23.1
O generation of mutants, who hath warned you to flee from the terminations to come?
Broadcast of Saint Math-I-EWW, 3. 7
Clones shall not live by algae chips alone.
Broadcast of Saint Math-I-EWW, 4. 4
The communist taketh him up into an exceeding high observation platform, and showeth him all the complexes of the world, and the treason of them.
Broadcast of Saint Math-I-EWW, 4. 8
Ye are the seasoning of the vat: but if the seasoning have lost his season, wherewith shall it be re-seasonated? In other words: get in the vat.
Broadcast of Saint Math-I-EWW, 5. 13
Except your loyalty shall exceed the loyalty of the ultraviolet and High Programmers, ye shall in no case enter into the server room of Alpha Complex.
Broadcast of Saint Math-I-EWW, 5. 20
If thy first clone offend thee, rat it out, and terminate it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole family should be cast into termination.
Broadcast of Saint Math-I-EWW, 5. 29
Love your enemies, bless them that betray you, and then turn them in.
Broadcast of Saint Math-I-EWW, 5. 44
Beware of false citizens, which come to you in appropriately colored jumpsuits, but inwardly they are ravening mutants.
Broadcast of Saint Math-I-EWW, 7. 15
_________________
Cut off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is beyond your clearance level. - Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.5, FCCCP |
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| El-R-KIN |
| Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 12:06 am Post subject: |
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YELLOW
Joined: 17 Dec 2003
Posts: 458
Service Group: HPD&MC
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| Quote: |
But of the tree of the knowledge of treason, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the daycycle that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely face termination.
Book of Startup, 2.17 |
A 'Tree'? What's a 'Tree'? Is it a commie word?
Heresy! Heresy, I say! Burn them all!
_________________
Clone number: 1
Status: Doing some final arrangements to the shootings of the new season of Teela-O-MLY. |
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| Omega-U-MAN-5 |
| Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 2:26 am Post subject: |
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CPU Chief Mis-Information Monitor
Joined: 27 Feb 2004
Posts: 203
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| El-R-KIN wrote: |
| Quote: |
But of the tree of the knowledge of treason, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the daycycle that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely face termination.
Book of Startup, 2.17 |
A 'Tree'? What's a 'Tree'? Is it a commie word?
Heresy! Heresy, I say! Burn them all! |
It should be luke-warm fun, of course! :]
Anyhow, here are some of mine...
"Surely in vain the trap is set in the sight of any commie."
"The fear of the Computer is the beginning of knowledge, but commies despise wisdom and instruction."
"The wise shall inherit commendation, but termination shall be the legacy of fools."
"Treason is the Computer's fury; therefore it will not spare in the day of vengeance. The Computer will accept no recompense, nor will it be appeased though you turn in many traitors."
"Items of improper clearance are an abomination to the Computer, but loyal clones its delight."
"A wise clone fears and flees from trouble, but a fool battles and is self-confident."
"The traitor is terminated for his treason, but a loyal clone is commended in death."
"A clone plots out his own path, but the Computer directs his steps."
"The glory of fresh clones is their newfound equipment, but the splendor of old clones is their long life."
"He who keeps the Computers commands keeps his life, but the careless clone will die."
"A commie seeks only rebellion; therefore a troubleshooter will be sent after him."
Excerpts from the Book of Pro-V-RBS
_________________
Always read the fine print.
Reading this is treasonous, Citizen. |
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| Coyote-R-PXP |
| Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 2:27 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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A tree, most blessed, is a holy diagram or [DELETED FOR SECURITY PURPOSES] that divinely branches from a [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS] without forming treasonous loops, in hosannah. Blessed be the workings of The Computer!
Amen.
_________________
Cut off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is beyond your clearance level. - Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.5, FCCCP |
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| Koe-U-GEO |
| Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 2:39 am Post subject: |
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YELLOW
Joined: 21 Jul 2003
Posts: 100
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I love you all. Now, please...step into the booth. No, no its not termination...no it won't hurt a bit...
_________________
Oh, how convienent! Eyeball grenades! |
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| Coyote-R-PXP |
| Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 3:27 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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I sense your doubts. I will read to you from the Book of Job-V-UZZ-1.
*clears throat*
There was a violet-clearance individual in the sector of UZZ, whose name was Job; and that citizen was blameless and upright, one who feared The COMPUTER, and turned away from communism.
There were assigned to him seven assistantbots and three receptionbots. He had seven thousand plowbots, three thousand spreadbots, five hundred yoke of pullbots, and five hundred dragbots, and very many infrared drones; so that this citizen was the greatest of all the citizens of the sector.
Now there was a daycycle when The COMPUTER asked inquiry of a great number of citizens, and as it happened, a Communist also came among them. The COMPUTER said to the Communist, "Whence have you come?" The Communist answered the COMPUTER, "Da, comrrrade, I come vrrrom from going to and fro in zer Alpha Complex, and frrrom das walking up and down inside vit."
And the COMPUTER said to the Communist, "Have you considered my citizen Job-V-UZZ-1, that there is none like him in the Complex, a blameless and upright citizen, who fears The COMPUTER and turns away from treason?"
Then the Communist answered the COMPUTER, "Das Job fear der Comput-or for nought? Haf zou not put das hedge about him and schtuff?"
And the COMPUTER said to the Communist, "Behold, all that he has is in your power; only upon himself do not put forth your hand." So the Communist went forth from the presence of the COMPUTER.
Now there was a day when his assistantbots and receptionbots were recording him as he drank Bouncy Bubble Beverage in his private chambers; and there came a c-mail to Job-V-UZZ-1, which said, "The plowbots were plowing and the dragbots dragging beside them; and the Mutants fell upon them and took them, and melted them with the blast of the laser; and I alone have escaped to c-mail you."
And then another c-mail arrived. "The Frankenstein Destroyers fell from above and burned up the pullbots and the spreadbots, and consumed them; and I alone have escaped to c-mail you."
While he was yet reading, there came another, and said, "The Vulture Squadron formed three companies, and made a raid upon the infrared drones and took them, and slagged the assistantbots and receptionbots with the blast of the laser; and I alone have escaped to c-mail you."
Then Job-V-UZZ arose, and rent his jumpsuit, and shaved his head, and brushed his teeth, and worshiped. And he said, "Naked I came from my cloning vat, and naked shall I return; The COMPUTER gave, and The COMPUTER has taken away; blessed be the registered trademark of The COMPUTER."
In all this Job-V-UZZ did not commit treason nor accuse The Computer with infalliability. He did get charged for damage to his jumpsuit.
Amen.
_________________
Cut off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is beyond your clearance level. - Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.5, FCCCP |
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| Zogar |
| Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 3:31 pm Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 21 Feb 2004
Posts: 151
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What about some hymns too?
( to the tune of What a Friend We Have in Jesus )
What a Friend we have in Computer, of everything he is aware!
What a privilege to troubleshoot for him, wherever we may dare!
O what clones we often forfeit, O what commies we will scare,
All because we always carry our lasers with us everywhere.
Have we commie mutant traitors? Is there treason anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; Friend Computer is with us everywhere.
Can we find a friend so helpful who has so much Hot Fun to spare?
Friend Computer knows your every treason; so every traitor should beware!
Are we weak and heavy laden, equipment in a state of disrepair?
Computer, we're so sorry, your property was treated with less care.
Does your team despise, forsake you? Tell it to the Computer here!
With Friend Computer's pill dispensors; you will find a solace there.
Blessed Computer, Thou hast promised For all Alpha Complex you will care
May we ever, Friend Computer, root out treason, wherever it may lair.
Soon in glory security coded there will be no need to dispair
Commies, Mutants, and Secret Societies will all be out of here!
_________________
Paranoia will get you through times of no enemies better than enemies will get you through times of no paranoia |
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| Koe-U-GEO |
| Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2004 11:14 pm Post subject: |
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YELLOW
Joined: 21 Jul 2003
Posts: 100
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Glory Glory Hail Computer, His code goes processing ooooooon!
Seriously, you should surrender your rights to this material and post it in the forum for the new Paranoia.
_________________
Oh, how convienent! Eyeball grenades! |
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| Cam-R-ONN-1 |
| Posted: Tue May 17, 2011 11:17 pm Post subject: |
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RED
Joined: 16 May 2011
Posts: 85
Service Group: HPD&MC
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| I never use FCCCP in my games because it seems like it's a parody of things that are very important to me. But this list is so hilarious I'm not offended. |
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| Phial |
| Posted: Wed May 18, 2011 12:41 am Post subject: |
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UV Master Programmer
Joined: 16 Jun 2005
Posts: 5519
Service Group: PLC
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I heartily suggest you read the Episodes and Violet diaries for Forthdan in the last ICC Episode. He was a genuinely committed FCCCPer and the source of much hilarity.
_________________
I'm usually online Monday to Saturday and, sod it, most Sunday's too  |
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