| Author |
Message
|
| Biggles |
 Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2005 3:04 pm Post subject: Viva VEG Sector draft 1.0 |
  |
|
IntSec Goodwill Ambassador
Joined: 26 Jul 2004
Posts: 923
Service Group: Internal Security
|
Rejoice!
The first full draft of the Mandatory Community Mission, Viva VEG Sector!, is now complete. I have uploaded it as a PDF document to my GM folder and can be downloaded by clicking here. This still needs to be playtested, so if you want to participate in a playtest, then don't read the mission!
Now before any of you start complaining ... I tried to incorporate as many ideas from this community as possible. Sometimes the ideas worked great, but sometimes the ideas didn't work at all. I used my best judgement in deciding what to include. That's my job.
Here's what we need now. Download the file, read it and look for the following:Spelling and grammar mistakes.
Logical errors, like mistakes in the plot.
Missing stats or other data. If your list of mistakes is small enough, you can reply to this topic. Otherwise, either send me a PM or an email: biggles (at) friendcomputer (dot) net.
There are no pregenerated PCs included--yet. I'm still waiting to see if people will create some more. Still ... we're almost done! Rock on!
_________________
IC note: Wields a laser pistol that talks to him through a tiny wireless earpiece. No, really. |
|
| Back to top |
|
 |
| Adam-R-LON-1 |
| Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2005 4:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
INDIGO
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 3852
Service Group: HPD&MC
|
Hnnnrg... I couldn't resist reading it. But some of my suggestions were used! Yay!
I understand it's difficult to roleplay an upset Computer, but at the beginning of Episode 5 it sounds a bit too humanly sarcastic. In my opinion. And my opinion means nothing! Who am I to contradict a semi-Famous Game Designer?
No major mistakes that I can see. In fact, the only error I found was on page 17: "everything in this room is slightly squished or broken". 'S about it though. Nice job, Biggles; I found it hilarious.
_________________
For the Glory of Friend Computer! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Biggles |
| Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2005 4:15 pm Post subject: |
|
|
IntSec Goodwill Ambassador
Joined: 26 Jul 2004
Posts: 923
Service Group: Internal Security
|
| Adam-R-LON-1 wrote: |
| I understand it's difficult to roleplay an upset Computer, but at the beginning of Episode 5 it sounds a bit too humanly sarcastic. |
I always find it difficult to write The Computer's dialogue. Sometimes I wander into very sterile, mechanical speech, while other times I use very colloquial speech. I think you're right about the sarcasm, so I'll tone it down.
Thanks for the input!
_________________
IC note: Wields a laser pistol that talks to him through a tiny wireless earpiece. No, really. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| GirdagFireskull |
| Posted: Wed Jun 01, 2005 4:21 pm Post subject: |
|
|
GREEN
Joined: 07 Aug 2004
Posts: 2012
Service Group: Armed Forces
|
I'll volunteer to GM a playtest of these missions over JParanoia, if you want. Looks great fun, and very funny.
_________________
IC notes:
Wearing: GREEN jumpsuit
Location: GREEN quarters
Current clone number: 5
Notes: Girdag-G returns? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Biggles |
| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2005 2:39 pm Post subject: |
|
|
IntSec Goodwill Ambassador
Joined: 26 Jul 2004
Posts: 923
Service Group: Internal Security
|
Since no one else cried foul, Girdag has the playtest. We are still looking for edits and mistake-checking.
_________________
IC note: Wields a laser pistol that talks to him through a tiny wireless earpiece. No, really. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Allandaros |
| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2005 6:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Armed Forces General
Joined: 26 Dec 2003
Posts: 3196
Service Group: Armed Forces
|
Saved the PDF to the PC, going over the file for missteaks now.
_________________
www.ninjalistics.com |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Mush-R-OOM-1 |
| Posted: Thu Jun 02, 2005 8:16 pm Post subject: |
|
|
YELLOW
Joined: 22 May 2005
Posts: 239
Service Group: R&D
|
| Looks good, only thing I can think off to add would be a little bit at the end for when they are getting on the elevator notcing that the large presence of bodies earlier seems to have made the stickers denoting the floors fall off which leaves the GM asking the players "have you been naughty or nice". Especially if the elevator chirrups in with a "Have a happy fun day citizens!" just as the elevator fails to move, the door opens and some red blinking lights on a nearby technical device seem to be flashing rather alaramingly. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Liff |
| Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 1:03 pm Post subject: |
|
|
RED
Joined: 03 Mar 2004
Posts: 3
|
I did a quick readthrough and found 10 treasonous mistakes (mostly typos), I posted them as a comment at the paranoia blog... I might as well copy and paste them here too:
on page 4, in the section "I don't think I'm trained to make decisions" the transition from line 2 to 3 reads "he would rather dirty themselves..." that should probably be "himself"
On page 9, in the third paragraph from the bottom, the end of line 3 reads "Did he say he's terminate..." that should probably be "he'd"
On page 14, the last non-script paragraph starts "The PC with a PDC and should call The Computer..." probaby should just be "...with the PDC should..."
On page 15, in non-script paragraph 2, in parantheses it reads "or by Benny-V himself the the PCs are so incompetent". "the the" should probably be "if the".
On page 16, line 2 of the block of bold text, "announce a 800 credit deposite" should read "announce an 800 credit deposite" Addendum to this... when did the PCs get their PDCs back, and why do they work now?
Also in that block of text on page 16. The last 2 words should be changed from "No go!" to "Now go!"
On page 20, at the end of the first paragraph of "On the road again...", "ying-yang" should be spelled "yin yang"
On page 24, in the third (final) bold block of text, line 2 starts "assignment to you" which should probably be "assignment for you"
On page 27, the second paragraph after the bold text introducing Cynthia, part of line 2 reads "She's sees a cart" which is probably just supposed to be "She sees a cart"
On page 29, the second to last non-bold paragraph ends with "treasonous little fit could carry us", "fit" is probably supposed to be "feet"... but in this setting it almost works.
_________________
Linux: because a PC is a terrible thing to waste. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| GirdagFireskull |
| Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 1:24 pm Post subject: |
|
|
GREEN
Joined: 07 Aug 2004
Posts: 2012
Service Group: Armed Forces
|
| Quote: |
| "announce a 800 credit deposite" should read "announce an 800 credit deposite" |
No, I think it should read "announce an 800 credit deposit". No e in deposit.
_________________
IC notes:
Wearing: GREEN jumpsuit
Location: GREEN quarters
Current clone number: 5
Notes: Girdag-G returns? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Liff |
| Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 1:31 pm Post subject: |
|
|
RED
Joined: 03 Mar 2004
Posts: 3
|
gah.... what I was really pointing out was the change from "a" to "an" but you're completely right
It's too early in the day for me to be thinking... stupid early rise to let the cable guy in to fix the modem... Zzzzzzz
_________________
Linux: because a PC is a terrible thing to waste. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| GirdagFireskull |
| Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 1:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
GREEN
Joined: 07 Aug 2004
Posts: 2012
Service Group: Armed Forces
|
Especially since the actual text says deposit, not deposite. Inventing 'e's, are we citizen? 
_________________
IC notes:
Wearing: GREEN jumpsuit
Location: GREEN quarters
Current clone number: 5
Notes: Girdag-G returns? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Territan |
| Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 3:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
YELLOW
Joined: 13 Aug 2004
Posts: 270
|
I snagged a copy of the scenario, but only had a chance to give it a cursory going-over so far. I might have more chance later this week.
I can, however, help by running a playtest of it myself. I have a lively, clever, and fairly regular corps of gaming associates and would be willing, nay, eager to put them through the ringer.
There's an additional touch of the bizarre here: currently I'm running In Nomine. The last time I ran this for them, the set acquired the name Muerte Las Vegas! Happy coincidences, those...
Is there a deadline for completing the playtest and getting a report back?
_________________
If it's any consolation, the GM's laughter is adiegetic. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Biggles |
| Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:36 pm Post subject: |
|
|
IntSec Goodwill Ambassador
Joined: 26 Jul 2004
Posts: 923
Service Group: Internal Security
|
No deadline, but sooner is better. Girdag snagged online JParanoia rights, so feel free to tabletop this sucker whenever! Thanks!
And thanks to all who are pointing out my poor typing!
_________________
IC note: Wields a laser pistol that talks to him through a tiny wireless earpiece. No, really. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Adam-R-LON-1 |
| Posted: Sat Jun 04, 2005 9:07 pm Post subject: |
|
|
INDIGO
Joined: 23 Aug 2004
Posts: 3852
Service Group: HPD&MC
|
I'm sure by 'poor typing' you mean 'commie sabotage of the document'.
_________________
For the Glory of Friend Computer! |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
| Biggles |
| Posted: Sun Jun 05, 2005 12:34 am Post subject: |
|
|
IntSec Goodwill Ambassador
Joined: 26 Jul 2004
Posts: 923
Service Group: Internal Security
|
| Adam-R-LON-1 wrote: |
| I'm sure by 'poor typing' you mean 'commie sabotage of the document'. |
Let me get this straight. You are saying that I, a VIOLET citizen, should replace the phrase 'poor typing' with the phrase 'commie sabotage.'
So instead of me saying, '... my poor typing,' Mr. RED citizen here thinks I should be saying, '... my commie sabotage of the document.'
Hmmm. Something things wrong here, but I can't quite put my finger on it. I know clearances are involved ... differences in clearance to be exact ... the term false accusations keep popping up in my mind ....
Oh well. I'll worry about it after the mission is edited.
_________________
IC note: Wields a laser pistol that talks to him through a tiny wireless earpiece. No, really. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
