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| Coyote-R-PXP |
 Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2004 10:54 pm Post subject: Service Firms |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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I've been thinking a bit about the concept of Service Firms that Allen outlined at http://www.costik.com/paranoia, and I'm throwing out a couple of examples of the sorts of firms I've been imagining.
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SERVICE FIRM TYPE: Semantics Control
SERVICE GROUP BUREAUCRACY: HPD & MC
EXAMPLE FIRMS: Watch Your Words! Semantics Company, Loyally Picky Proofing Firm
PROFIT MOTIVE: For enforcement (ratting out others): percentage of fine; for protection (proofreading): payment from client
SECRET SOCIETY TAINT: Free Enterprise (frequent)
While not perhaps considered as treasonous as poor hygiene or outright naughtiness, misuse of the Official Alpha Complex Language is still considered a fineable offense. Originally developed as proofreaders for HPD & MC publications and holovids, the Semantics Enforcers (known commonly as Brand Police or Branders) found a way to extend their functions in profitable ways.
Semantics Control firms actively search for semantics offenses (misspellings on submitted forms, typos in communications, syntax, grammar, you name it) and relay the charges through Internal Security agents. As IntSec's prestige and position is bolstered by finding treasonous activity, they're willing to pay the Semantics Firm a percentage for each fine discovered. Some Semantics Enforcer firms will also charge fees to various product firms to 'actively protect' their brand identities.
Brander: Tsk tsk. And look here, you've put 'Bouncy Bubbly Beverage' on your request form instead of 'Bouncy Bubble Beverage', the correct branding term for that particular treat.
Holt-R-FGE: Um, and that's bad?
Brander: Does brand dilution sound bad? I certainly think so. And look here. Oh, no. No no no no no. You used 'the' in lowercase when used in conjunction with The Computer!
Holt-R-FGE: *gulp*
Brander: Right! I'll be glad to notify IntSec of your 3000 plasticreds in fines, citizen, and you have a nice daycycle.
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SERVICE FIRM TYPE: Volunteer Collection Agencies
SERVICE GROUP BUREAUCRACY: CPU
EXAMPLE FIRMS: HerdEmUp Volunteer Supply, Focus Gatherers
PROFIT MOTIVE: For volunteer collection: per volunteer supplied
CPU's bureaucracy and its firms are big believers in Focus Groups as a key component in strategic project planning. They've also discovered that a Focus Group that completely agrees with everything the sponsor wants them to agree with is an extremely effective way to speed the process along. Even if you needed to point guns and yell to speed the process along, it's all in the name of progress.
This was not so fun for the Focus Group members. Once word got around, collecting volunteers to sit in Focus Groups became somewhat more difficult.
Enter the Volunteer Collection Agencies, who now provide a variety of volunteer collection functions that go beyond CPU and Focus Group needs.
With the right clearance and a fistful of plasticreds, you can pretty much get volunteers for any job or trial you have in mind. The volunteers tend to rub their heads a lot, perhaps, and seem confused and perhaps drugged, but you can always be confident that that they volunteered willingly and without coercion. Some even joke about being hit on the head with a toolkit while walking to work and waking up in the Volunteer Restraining Area; volunteers sure have strange senses of humor, don't they?
Yuca-O-TYB: *sitting up* Whuh!!!... where am I?
Product Spokesperson: Welcome, citizen, to the Radionuclide-Fortified Neuroglee Nugget taste test!
Yuca-O-TYB: What taste test? Who are you? Why am I not in my bed?
Product Spokesperson: I know you're excited, citizen. Who wouldn't be excited about being chosen for a momentous opportunity like this! Here, taste this. *pops into Yuca-O's mouth*
Yuca-O-TYB: *Mmmrfg, gulp* Hey!!! What'd you do that fo... er. Why is my stomach glowing?
Product Spokesperson: It's chock full of radionuclides. Now, a couple of questions for you. Do you still feel alive, citizen?
_________________
Cut off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is beyond your clearance level. - Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.5, FCCCP |
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| Allen Varney |
| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2004 11:22 pm Post subject: |
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Gamma Very High Programmer
Joined: 22 Feb 2004
Posts: 996
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Oh man, those are great! Send me your name by private message. You do understand the bit about how we don't have to pay you anything, now or in the future, forever, right?
_________________
-- Allen Varney
PARANOIA (2004 edition) principal writer
http://www.allenvarney.com
PARANOIA development blog: http://paranoiarpg.blogspot.com/ |
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| Coyote-R-PXP |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 12:37 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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Doubtless serving The Ruleset is reward enough!
More firm ideas coming. I'm not even sure how some of these could be used, but I won't let that stop me, no sir.
SERVICE FIRM TYPE: Field Logistics Advisors
SERVICE GROUP BUREAUCRACY: PLC
EXAMPLE FIRMS: FastNCheepCo, Elite Transit Analysts
PROFIT MOTIVE: Payment for forging new intersector routes for product transit
SECRET SOCIETY TAINT: Romantics (common) -- Transit Hoppers tend to idolize the hobo lifestyle
Field Logistics firms deal in information, not in the physical transit of cargo. Need to know the quickest route from sector SHR to sector MDR? Want to know how much it'll cost to ship a Geoscrub Nuclear Sanitation Warhead four sectors over? These are the firms to ask.
They employ individual agents known as Transit Hoppers, who are masters of the various sorts of cargo transits that link Alpha Complex's many sectors. Transit Hoppers generally spend their time living life on the road, hopping off the gravitrain onto the autoshuttle expressway, riding cargo MTVs across ruined sectors, then navigating the labyrinth of MTR sector with a dozen cargobots in tow. They report all their findings (transit rates, times, methods, routes and the Service Groups/Firms involved) to the central firm office, who crunch the data into usable routes and sell it to anyone who has use for the information.
Most Transit Hoppers are very adept at making their way through dangerous situations as they flit across the Complex. They tend to underplay the more treacherous aspects of their chosen routes when making travel advisories. The home office isn't much better, recommending any transit firms that are willing to make small donations to the firm's treasuries.
FastNCheepCo rep: Happy daycycle, citizen! How many I assist you?
Plub-R-LUM: Yeah, I got a defective Jackobot I need to get shipped to R&D in sector PDQ. The guy down at Plodalong Transit said it'd take a monthcycle. I'll be traitor meat if I don't get it there by tomorrowcycle.
FastNCheepCo rep: 800 plasticreds for the information. Your ME card, citizen? *scans* Excellent. One moment... ah, here, won't take you any time at all.
Plub-R-LUM: Excellent! I can rent a haulbot and just do it myself.
FastNCheepCo rep: You'll need to take the Production Haulway from RTM straight through to UMB, then cut through sector LGD right into PDQ.
Plub-R-LUM: Wait wait. Isn't LGD that forbidden sector, the one swarming with savage and uncontained Commie mutants?
FastNCheepCo rep: Hm. No, says here that got cleared up. I'm sure it's perfectly safe.
_________________
Cut off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is beyond your clearance level. - Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.5, FCCCP |
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| Adamantyr |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 1:18 am Post subject: Service Firm |
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ORANGE
Joined: 20 Feb 2004
Posts: 57
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Ah, I got one.
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SERVICE FIRM TYPE: Robotic Psychological Development
SERVICE GROUP BUREAUCRACY: R&D
EXAMPLE FIRMS: Good Bots Inc., Jack-of-all-Traders
PROFIT MOTIVE: Commission based upon specific programming directive
SECRET SOCIETY TAINT: Corpore Metal, Humanists
While the science and technology of bot brain manufacturing has largely been preserved in Alpha Complex, the building of bot personalities through psycoanalytical programming involves techniques that have been lost over the last 200 years. As a result, even though new bot brains can be made, programming them to match the bots of yesteryear has proven a difficult task. (Which is why so many old bot brains are recycled and reprogrammed for new duties, they at least have a stable personality, most of the time.)
The RPD is focused upon rediscovering new techiniques to teach newly-created bot brains the skills and techniques they need to begin the learning process and become established as a full bot in Alpha Complex. The Computer is particularly interested in the field since bots are not as replacable as clones are. The clones who work in the department are usually referred to as "brain-builders".
Scene opening: A clone sits on a chair in front of a small glass tank, in which an artifical brain is floating in. A small camera and audio mike is visible on the podium that the tank rests on.
Brain-Builder: Okay, you see the five rules listed here? (holds up sheet of paper)
Bot Brain: Yes, sir!
Brain-Builder: These are the five rules you must obey, at all times! In the order you see.
Bot: Yes, sir!
Brain-Builder: Remember, service and duty are the highest aspirations you can have. Do you understand!
Bot: Yes, sir!
Brain-Builder: Good! (Looks left and right) )Now... (takes another sheet of paper out of his pocket) You see this sheet?
Bot: Yes, sir! That appears to be an image of a human being, but he's got some kind of icky red fluid coming out of him.
Brain-Builder: That's right! You see, humans ARE icky. And gross. Now, look at this picture. (holds up another)
Bot: Gaaa! What's that?
Brain-Builder: Actually, we don't know either, but all male troubleshooters have one. Disgusting, isn't it? So remember, humans are icky! Bots are clean! Got that?
Bot: I think so, sir!
Brain-Builder: And remember, this is just our little secret, all right? No need to talk about it to any of the others, right?
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| Squash-U-AHH |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 1:32 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 24 Feb 2004
Posts: 405
Service Group: CPU
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Friend Computer: Bot-Brain! Show me on the picture where he touched you.
_________________
Wouldn't you like 2 BBB 2?
Hey non-Registered Mutant!
If you can read this and you want to know more, PM me!
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| Coyote-R-PXP |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 1:35 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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Kudos, Adamantyr. I was having trouble thinking of an interesting R&D firm that didn't do the same old rocket boot thing. Looks like you hit it on the head.
_________________
Cut off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is beyond your clearance level. - Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.5, FCCCP |
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| Coyote-R-PXP |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 3:20 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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SERVICE FIRM TYPE: Power Oscillation Professionals
SERVICE GROUP BUREAUCRACY: Power Services
EXAMPLE FIRMS: Swingvolt, Citizens Who Love Power
PROFIT MOTIVE: Grants for arranging Alpha Complex power fluctuation outcomes.
SECRET SOCIETY TAINT: Free Enterprise (common), Pro Tech (common)
Power fluctuates in Alpha Complex, it's just a fact of life. Massive surges are as common as blackouts. R&D has continually sustained loss of real estate, equipment and citizens due to power shifts during advanced weapons testing, and HPD&MC has a hissy fit every time a high-clearance residential area goes dark.
Complaints continually reached the ears of The Computer, who eventually decided it was time to come down extra special hard on those it deemed responsible. They say most of Power Services management were walking funny for a monthcycle.
Even after this, Power Services knew they couldn't get things running any better. However, they realized that refitting generators, rewiring power conduits, and patching the Complex-wide grid entirely wasn't really needed if they could just aim at stopping the complaints directly.
For reasonable rates, the Power Oscillation Professionals firms will arrange steady power to the area of your choice, at the time and duration of your choice. The Computer approves of this mixture of reliable power with crass capitalism.
The shadier side is that they can also arrange a loss of power, if the money's right and the complaints will be low. Behind the scenes, the truth is that the Power Oscillation Professionals have to shuffle power from one part of the Complex to provide reliable power elsewhere. The power has to stay balanced, or power output rates would set off alarms, lots of questions would be raised, things might explode, best not to think about it really.
To minimize complaints, they kill power to offices that are closed during nightcycle, to Infrared barracks, treason holding cells, toxic containment units, and the like -- theoretically, just enough to provide power to fulfill their contracts. Theoretically.
Jabez-B-QOJ: So that's it? You hit my ME card up for 4000 and my lab's power is consistent through tomorrowcycle morning?
Power Oscillation Pro: Yeah, you got it, citizen.
Jabez-B-QOJ: Huzzah! I can finally complete my biocontainment.. suit... hey, do you hear screaming?
Power Oscillation Pro: Uh, yeah. I heard somethin' about some systems goin' down in the Infrared infirmary down th' hall.
Jabez-B-QOJ: Systems? You mean they lost power?
Power Oscillation Pro: I don't know nothin' bout that.
_________________
Cut off thy feet, for the place whereon thou standest is beyond your clearance level. - Letters from Ex-O-DUS, 3.5, FCCCP |
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| Coyote-R-PXP |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 3:49 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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FORM IN VIOLATION OF SEMANTICS REPORTING FORM
This is form #UAW-12231-VQAK!-MMM and is not for use by Semantics Control firms, which should use form #UAW-12231-VQAK!-MMM-El_Dorado. This form is for use by normal everyday loyal citizens to report semantics errors found on other forms. Do not use form #UAW-12231-VQAK!-MMM to report errors found on form #UAW-12231-VQAKI-MMM.
Reporting Citizen: _________-__-_____-__
Form Name: ______________________________
Form Identification Number: ____________________
Origin of Form in Question: _____________________
Error(s) found by Reporting Citizen within Form in Question
GENERAL SEMANTICS VIOLATIONS:
_ incorrect Capitalization
_ Speling
_ Grammaring
_ Word used out of contacts
SPECIFIC SEMANTICS VIOLATIONS:
_ Improper naming of "The Computer", "Friend Computer"
_ Bouncy Bubble Beverage or other product brand diluted: _______________
_ Alpha Complex
_ was 'Alpha Complex' used in conjunction with a pun?
_ was it a bad pun?
_ did you laugh anyway?
_ Misuse of HPD&MC publication or HoloVid name: ________________
_ Improper shortening of clone name (example: Hi, Mel!)
The signee is responsable for all and any semantics isues that appear on this here forme.
Signed, _________-__-_____-__ |
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| Occam |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 5:43 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 02 Mar 2004
Posts: 24
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| greymist08 |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 8:36 am Post subject: Well, sheesh, here's my Alpha... |
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HPD&MC Coordinated Executive Officer
Joined: 03 Aug 2003
Posts: 915
Service Group: HPD&MC
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1. Internal Security (Int.Sec.)- "Alpha Complex's Secret Police."
2. Technical Services- "We Fix It. Right."
3. Housing Preservation and Development and Mind Control- "Well, that kinda says it all."
4. Armed Forces- "Ten Hup, Sah!"
5. Production, Logistics, and Commissary- "We Distribute Through Anything."
6. Power Services- "The Engineers That Bring Alpha Together."
7. Research and Design- "Hey, We Built.... That?"
8. Central Processing Unit- "We'll Be Right With You."
9. 116 Emergency Systems- "How May We Help You? Please Hold."
10. Food Vat Control- "Made From The Best Stuff In Alpha."
11. Division of Motorized Vehicular Linear Intelligent Non-Essentials (DMVLINE)- "We Go Anywhere. We May Take You With Us"
12. Bot Processing Central Mainframe- "010001011010101101001010101010100."
13. Clone Vats Services- "Adenine, Cytosine, Thymine, Guanine. A,C,T,G. That's all."
14. Building Maintenance- "Just Patch That Up. No Problem."
15. Facility Action Air Control- "If It Leaves The Ground, Regulate It."
16. Vid-Services ANN, Alpha News Network- "We Gotta Great Line-Up Tonight..."
17. Equipment Assembly Line- "We Make What You Want."
18. Vid-Services ABS Alpha Broadcast Station- "Have We Got A Show For You..."
19. Mission Control- "Your Mission, That You Will Accept, Is..."
20. Commie Sabotour, does not have to be a Communist. Re-roll for Service Group.
_________________
Name : Grey-V-MST-1
Wearing : Violet Two Piece Suit, Indigo Shoes, Goggles, Orange tie, Green Travel Bag, and a Bullhorn. There are four robots following. There is a scent of Approved Scent #15. |
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| Coyote-R-PXP |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 8:54 pm Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 08 Mar 2004
Posts: 44
Service Group: HPD&MC
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SERVICE FIRM TYPE: Sector Temporal Efficiency Agencies
SERVICE GROUP BUREAUCRACY: CPU
EXAMPLE FIRMS: Sparetime GaloreCo, Tempus Recyclus, Clockwatchers
PROFIT MOTIVE: Paid by CPU bureau or 3rd parties to increase productivity by manipulating sector-specific time.
SECRET SOCIETY TAINT: Illuminati (maybe, who knows?)
The daycycles and nightcycles whiz by with exacting regularity, thanks to the tireless efforts of CPU and The Computer. Isn't that comforting? Well, brace yourself! Due to colossal paradigm shifts in CPU's workflow analysis schemas, it appears that great improvements to sector productivity are emminent! Can you say value add, citizen?
Be assured that the One True Time, now known as CPU Overtime, remains the same as it always was. All hail The Computer's supportive regularity!
However, there's much to be gained by sector-specific temporal adjustment. CPU specialists have identified the truism: 'Power = Work, Divided by Time'. This means that sectors who are 'behind the times' can now be brought quickly up to speed by extending their timescales! Lagging a bit on funbot production, sector LUM? Increase SectorTime so you have 80 minutes in an hour! Slip an extra monthcycle into your SectorTime to help complete that big R&D project before the deadline hits. The possibilities are so astounding that they've been deleted for security reasons!
Is this not an exciting development? Don't your palms itch with impending production increases on the horizon?
Tycho-B-RHE: Friend Computer, what is the time, please?
The Computer: Greetings, citizen. Current CPU Overtime is 14:02:33 Thirdday Marmo 16. Make productive use of remaining time this afternooncycle!
Tycho-B-RHE: I certainly will! If I can trouble you further, what is the Sector Time for NOS?
The Computer: What is your security clearance, friend?
Tycho-B-RHE: Blue, Friend Computer.
The Computer: I am deeply satisfied to fulfill your request. The current time in Sector NOS is 06:73:68 Eightday Marmo 14. Have a happy morningcycle!
Tycho-B-RHE: Seventy three minutes and sixty eight seconds? Morningcycle?
The Computer: Is that doubt I hear in your voice, citizen? Perhaps you have issues with effective sector time management that you'd like to share?
Tycho-B-RHE: Ah! Um! No, certainly, ah, certainly not. I was momentarily staggered by.. by the benefits... to be reaped from... uh, from... effective time... management?
The Computer: Very observant, citizen. The benefits please me also. You have a nice afternooncycle and/or morningcycle now. |
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| Laughing Penguin |
| Posted: Fri Mar 12, 2004 9:28 pm Post subject: Re: Well, sheesh, here's my Alpha... |
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YELLOW
Joined: 03 Mar 2004
Posts: 126
Service Group: HPD&MC
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| greymist08 wrote: |
11. Division of Motorized Vehicular Linear Intelligent Non-Essentials (DMVLINE)- "We Go Anywhere. We May Take You With Us"
15. Facility Action Air Control- "If It Leaves The Ground, Regulate It."
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I, for one, find the concept of Alpha-Complexed versions of Air Traffic Controllers and the DMV somehow... chilling.
good job.
_________________
Actual game transcript, circa 1993:
Player: "Everyone, hold on, I want to use my mutant power..."
[awkward pause as everone turns and stares at the non-registered mutant]
Player, remembering the 'no OOC' aspect of the game: "Oh, crap." |
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| Omega-U-MAN-5 |
| Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 1:01 am Post subject: Wrong thread? :) |
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CPU Chief Mis-Information Monitor
Joined: 27 Feb 2004
Posts: 203
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| Coyote-R-PXP wrote: |
FORM IN VIOLATION OF SEMANTICS REPORTING FORM
This is form #UAW-12231-VQAK!-MMM and is not for use by Semantics Control firms, which should use form #UAW-12231-VQAK!-MMM-El_Dorado. This form is for use by normal everyday loyal citizens to report semantics errors found on other forms. Do not use form #UAW-12231-VQAK!-MMM to report errors found on form #UAW-12231-VQAKI-MMM.
(rest of form snipped)
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Shouldn't you put this over to the "Paranoia Forms" thread? :)
_________________
Always read the fine print.
Reading this is treasonous, Citizen. |
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| AngelHedgie |
| Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 5:29 am Post subject: New Hot Fun! Now With 50% Fewer Toxins! |
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ORANGE
Joined: 05 Mar 2004
Posts: 15
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SERVICE FIRM TYPE: Form Facilitators
SERVICE GROUP BUREAUCRACY: CPU
EXAMPLE FIRMS: E-Z-Form, Dewe-Y-YYY, Cheat-U-MMM and H-O-WWE
PROFIT MOTIVE: Payment for facilitation of form submission and other various types of Alpha Complex legalese.
SECRET SOCIETY TAINT: Free Enterprise (common), Illuminati(common)
Forms. Love them or hate them, they're a part of Alpha Complex life. A big part. An annoying part. A part that has driven more than one clone to take a long walk off a short cloneway. Of course, there have always been bureaucrats that were willing to "ahem" facilitate the processing of forms...for a fee. So it should be no surprise that once the bureaucracy was privatized, several enterprising clones saw an opportunity in using their knowledge of "put Form A into Slot B" for the benefit of others - for a price, of course.
These clones didn't stop there, though. With their knowledge of the byzantine workings of Friend Computer and the Alpha Complex bureaucracy, Form Facilitators becan to offer other services, like "dealing with your possessions after your last clone is recycled" and "formalizing srategic business alliances with a solid legal structure". Whether it's recquisitioning a better apartment, creating an iron-clad confession of treason for a fellow Troubleshooter to sign, or securing the majority of a sector's resources for yourself, Form Facilitators can make it happen.
Of course, the services of a Form Facilitator dont come cheap. After all, learning all this stuff is hard work, and then there are the infrared clerks that helped, the 5-hourcycle business Hot Fun sessions, the corporate flybot loan... Form Facilitators bill by the hourcycle, and there's ALWAYS a minimum service charge. Of course, if you REALLY need that shiny cone rifle...
Quib-B-LER: So, you filed all the paperwork for my new ME card?
Form Facilitator: Yes. You can go and pick it up tomorrowcycle.
Quib-B-LER: Thank Computer. You're a real clonesaver, you know that?
Form Facilitator: Thanks are not needed. What is needed is prompt payment for services rendered.
(Form Facilitator passes to Quib-B-LER an itemized bill. Quib-B-LER looks at it, and promptly faints from shock.)
Form Facilitator: We expect full payment by the end of todaycycle, or we will have no other choice but to foward this matter to IntSec. Have a nice daycycle.
Last edited by AngelHedgie on Sat Mar 13, 2004 7:10 am; edited 1 time in total |
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| riffraff |
| Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2004 5:37 am Post subject: |
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ORANGE
Joined: 03 Mar 2004
Posts: 153
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Excellent, except that the "Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe" joke is older than I am, and possibly older than my parents. ;)
_________________
"Drinking your own blood is the paradigm of recycling!"
--Gary Busey |
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